“Masculinity isn’t toxic—neglecting to teach it is.”
Something’s broken. Not kinda, not maybe—actually broken. You can feel it every time you scroll past another stat about men dropping out of college, checking out of work, or worse… checking out of life.
But here’s the part that really messes with me: nobody’s being honest about why.
Fatherhood? It’s been gutted. Discipline? That’s now “problematic.” And masculinity? Bro, it’s basically a misdemeanor.
Meanwhile, boys are growing up weaker, more anxious, less sure of themselves—and the rest of the world just keeps giving them participation trophies and telling them to sit down, shut up, and be less… “them.”
So today, I’m done sugarcoating. This is what they’re not telling fathers like us about raising boys in 2025—and what we can still do about it.
The Truth About Boys Right Now
Boys used to be told they were protectors. Providers. Resilient. Capable. Responsible. Today? They’re told those instincts are “toxic.” That wanting to compete, wrestle, or take the lead means there’s something wrong with them.
So what happens?
They drift. They scroll. They numb out. They lose the fight they were born with.
College enrollment? Tanking. Workforce participation? Down. Testosterone? Dropping 1% a year since the ’80s. Purpose? Don’t even bring it up.
We’re watching a generation of boys slowly forget how to be men—because no one is willing to teach them. Or worse, they’re teaching them the opposite.
“Less drive. Less fight. Less man.”
And this isn’t just hurting boys. It’s tearing apart everything.
It’s Hurting Our Women, Too
You’d think, with boys struggling, that at least women are thriving. Right?
Well, kinda. But not really.
Women are getting degrees. Promotions. Pay raises. But stress, anxiety, and burnout? Off the charts.
There’s a study about female lawyers ditching their firms between 30 and 40 years old. Not because the money wasn’t there. It was. But because they felt it—that internal clock. They wanted to start a family and realized they’d been told the same lie we’d been told in reverse:
“Put off family. Chase success. That’s where fulfillment is.”
Turns out it’s not.
Now, we’ve got women crushing it professionally but feeling unfulfilled. Men checking out and feeling useless. And marriages are looking more like roommate agreements than lifelong partnerships.
We told women they don’t need men. Then we told men they shouldn’t try to be men. And now everyone’s tired, alone, and wondering what the hell went wrong.
So What Can We Do?
We start over. We reclaim what worked. Not the outdated, unhealthy junk, but the core values that made boys into men who built strong homes, strong families, and strong lives.
These are the five pillars I’m trying to live by and pass on to my son, Tanner. And if you’re a dad reading this, I think they’ll mean something to you too.
1. Resilience & Grit
Tanner was racing the dogs through the hallway. He hit the gate hard, scraped his side, and hit the floor like a sack of potatoes. Screamed. Cried. Everything in me wanted to swoop in and hold him.
But I didn’t.
Instead, I walked over, knelt down, and said, “You remember what I told you about the dogs trying to squeeze past you, right?”
He nodded through the tears.
“Now you know why I said it.”
That moment stuck with him. And the next time he ran that hallway? He slowed down.
Resilience isn’t built by padding the world for our kids. It’s built by letting them face it, feel it, and rise from it.
It’s the same thing with video games. Tanner’ll get stuck, cry, and beg me to do it for him. And I tell him every time: “Nope. You can do this.” Eventually, he does. That’s grit. That’s how they learn they’re capable of doing hard things.
2. Leadership & Responsibility
Have you ever heard someone say, “Let kids be kids”?
I get it. But here’s the problem—we’ve stretched “kid” into a 25-year-old who can’t do laundry or look someone in the eye during a job interview.
Tanner’s five. But he has a routine. Feeds the dogs. Brushes his teeth. Helps pick up around the house. Not because I’m a drill sergeant—but because he lives here too. This is our house.
I sat him down one night and said, “We’re a team. Teams help each other.”
And you know what? He liked it. Kids want to contribute when they feel like they matter.
When we teach our boys that leadership isn’t about control but about responsibility, we’re giving them the tools to lead their own families someday without expecting their wives to act like their moms.
3. Physical & Mental Toughness
I love games. I build with tech. I edit videos. But let’s be real: we’re letting screens babysit our boys into softness.
Some of the best memories I have with Tanner aren’t on the Switch. They’re on the trampoline, in the backyard, or tossing a football in the street.
The real magic though? Mental toughness. That comes when you say no—and mean it.
Kids are smart. They test you. And when they know they can nag you into giving in? They will.
But when they know your “no” is locked in?
Boom. Boundaries. Confidence. Security.
We’re not raising fragile feelings—we’re raising future men who can take a hit and keep going.
4. Independence & Problem Solving
Do you know what makes me cringe? Watching a dad solve every problem for his kid like he’s a full-time concierge.
I used to do it too. Tanner would get frustrated, and I’d grab the controller. Then I realized—he’s not learning anything.
So now, when something breaks? We sit down. I ask, “What do you think we should do?”
He shrugs. I wait.
He makes a suggestion. We try it. It fails. We try again. It works.
That’s it. That’s the lesson. Problem-solving is learned through doing—not watching.
He’s even learning how to manage his allowance. I’ll say, “You can buy that, but think it through—what if you want something else next week?” He pauses. He processes. He learns.
Because if we don’t let our boys make decisions—and mess up—they’ll never figure out how to stand on their own.
5. Honor, Integrity, & Chivalry
I know, I know. “Chivalry” sounds like something out of an old-school knight movie. But you know what? That’s the problem.
We stopped teaching boys that being honorable is manly. That doing the right thing—holding the door, giving up your coat, telling the truth when it’s hard—is what makes a man worth respecting.
Tanner watches everything I do. How I talk to people. How I handle conflict. Whether I apologize when I mess up.
If I’m modeling selfishness, shortcuts, or sloppiness, guess what he’s going to absorb?
“They won’t learn from what you say. They’ll learn from how you live.”
If we want boys to grow up with integrity, we have to live it in front of them—flaws and all.
Why This Matters
This isn’t just about raising good boys.
It’s about saving everything that matters.
- Boys with purpose become men who show up.
- Strong men lighten the weight women are carrying alone.
- Balanced families raise kids who feel secure, not confused.
We’re watching the collapse of the family in real time. And it’s not because masculinity went too far—it’s because we stopped teaching it at all.
So What Can You Do?
Start with yourself.
Be the example. Be the proof. Not the perfect dad—but the present one. The intentional one. The honest one.
Show your son what it means to struggle and still show up. To make mistakes and own them. To love hard, lead well, and stay humble.
Push back against the lie that masculinity is toxic. Push harder toward the kind of man your son needs to see in you.
Because if we don’t show them? The world will raise them for us.
And the world… has no idea what it’s doing.
If this hit home, hit that like button and subscribe. I’m Derek, a single dad to a little legend named Tanner. We do real talk, Pokémon pulls, and parenting that’s raw, funny, and full of love.
Want something lighter after this? Check out our Pokémon video where Tanner lost his mind over a Charizard. It’s pure joy.