Divorce almost destroyed me.
I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. When my ex-wife left, I fell apart. There were nights I couldn’t sleep. Days I couldn’t function. Moments where I genuinely didn’t know how I was going to survive this.
But here’s what I want you to know if you’re going through something similar: divorce doesn’t have to break you. It broke me for a while, yeah. But I rebuilt. And the life I have now is better than anything I had before.
Let me tell you how I did it.
The First 90 Days Are Hell
I’m not going to lie to you about this part.
The first few months after separation are brutal. Everything you thought was stable is suddenly uncertain. Your daily routines are destroyed. Your identity is in crisis.
And if you have kids, like I do, there’s this added layer of terror. Am I going to lose my son? How do I parent through this? What do I tell him?
I spent a lot of those early days just surviving. Getting through the next hour. The next day. Not thinking about the future because the future felt impossible.
If you’re in that phase right now, I want you to know: this is normal. You’re not weak for struggling. You’re not broken for falling apart. This is what trauma looks like. And it’s okay to just survive for a while.
What Actually Helped Me
Here’s what got me through the worst of it.
Therapy. I know, I know. But seriously. Having someone to talk to who wasn’t going to judge me, who wasn’t going to take sides, who was just there to help me process, that was invaluable. If you can afford it, do it. If you can’t, find someone, anyone, you can talk to openly.
Movement. I started going to the gym. Not because I cared about fitness, but because I needed somewhere to put all the anger and sadness and confusion. Physical exhaustion helped me sleep. And the endorphins, honestly, were the only thing that made me feel okay for brief moments.
Faith. This is personal to me, but finding my way back to God during this time saved my life. There were moments where I was screaming at Him, cursing Him, blaming Him. And He met me with love anyway. That unconditional acceptance was something I desperately needed.
One day at a time. I stopped trying to figure out my whole future. I just focused on what I could control today. Did I eat something? Did I move my body? Did I spend time with my son? Small wins added up.
The Custody Battle Changed Everything
For me, the divorce itself wasn’t the hardest part. The custody battle was.
Being told I might only see my son a few times a month. Having to prove I was a good father. Spending money I didn’t have to fight for something that should have been obvious.
That two-year battle, that quarter million dollars, that’s a story for another time. But I need you to know: I came out the other side with 50/50 custody. Equal time with my son.
If you’re a dad going through this, don’t accept less than you deserve. Fight for your kids. It’s worth it.
Building a New Life
Here’s what surprised me about life after divorce.
It got better. Not just okay. Better.
I have more clarity now about what I actually want. I’m not trying to fit into someone else’s expectations of what my life should look like. I’m building something that’s actually mine.
My relationship with my son is stronger than ever. Those weeks when he’s with me, we’re fully present with each other. No distractions. No tension from a failing marriage. Just us.
I’ve built businesses I’m proud of. I’ve reconnected with my faith. I’ve figured out who I actually am outside of being someone’s husband.
None of that would have happened without the divorce. The worst thing that ever happened to me created space for the best things.
What I Want You to Know
If you’re going through divorce right now, or considering it, or recovering from it, here’s what I want you to hear.
You’re not a failure. Marriages end. It doesn’t mean you’re broken or unlovable or doomed to be alone forever.
The pain you’re feeling is temporary. I know it doesn’t feel that way. But it is. You will get through this. You will rebuild. You will find joy again.
Your kids will be okay. If you stay present, if you keep showing up, if you don’t let the conflict poison your relationship with them, they’ll be okay. Maybe even better than okay.
And finally: this might be the beginning of something incredible. I know that sounds impossible right now. But the destruction of my old life made room for a new one that’s so much better.
Divorce doesn’t have to break you. It can remake you. If you let it.
If you’re going through this right now, I see you. Drop a comment if you need to talk. I read every one.